The stories are filtering out, Mary Caferro is getting asked about her YES vote on HB 280, sponsored by her good friend Representative Randy Brodehl. You may not know much about Randy, but he collects a subsidy for a hog farm in Oregon and bellies up to the trough himself to collect his two public employee pensions on top of that tax dollar sponsored pay as a legislator. Now why would Caferro, the great champion of kids and the disabled, feel the need to pack her 38 Special into the Senate chambers for a hard day of pushing the green button on Republican sponsored bills? Ready? Safety.
You see, Mary is explaining, with her best puppy dog eyes, that she didn’t feel safe down there on the Senate floor with all those school kids parading through the gallery above her. You know, those same school kids who’s parents had to console them over their fears and tears of a school shooting happening at their own school one day. But to heck with them, it’s legislators first, women and children later. Have you wandered into the Capitol while the Legislature is in session? There are no fewer than three HPD officers, as many MHP officers assigned to guard the Governor and a handful of security guards. And then there’s all those pesky cameras in every corner out in the open for all to see, and probably a few hidden to boot. It’s also a fair bet that if you gave Randy a tap in the small of his back his illegally carried piece would go off and shoot him in the ass. You’re probably covered Mary, but it’s a good play on your innocent support of more guns in public places.
If you want to test safety Mary, go spend a day in a school secretary’s chair at the front door of any school in Montana to see what that feels like. The door opens and you’re the first person anyone sees with nothing between you and that open door. Or how about just about any government office in any town, county or state office in Montana? Angry tax payers, hunters with suspended licenses, an injured worker at his wits end, or maybe even someone who should be institutionalized for their own safety and that of the public who lost that safe space. Again, open door and there’s someone sitting in range and plain sight. Heck, had the Governor not undone your wrong with his pen, it could even be a legislator, like you, with one hand on the door knob and the other raising a 44 magnum hand cannon. Politicians don’t seem too stable these days.
Mary, here’s a bill suggestion if you manage to dredge what charm you have left to get out of this primary, how about another bill to protect legislators like yourself and keep you plenty safe, before anyone else. Instead of more guns in a public place, how about an infrastructure bill to put a bullet proof dome over the House and Senate chambers? No doubt it’s a bill that your most paranoid Republican bed fellows can get behind, hell, you could even convince Tom Burnett to support this one. It’s an absolute win! Jobs to build it and jobs to clean it. But above all else, you’ll be safe in your workplace where you’ve made your career once more. We’ll deal with those teachers and school kids some other time.
‘Maybe all men got one big soul ever’body’s a part of.’