Bozeman’s Petra Academy announced today that it would be ending one of its most popular courses for the last ten years running. A spokesperson from the academy made public that it would regretfully close out ‘MMA: A Path To The WWE’. ‘We’ll be losing our instructor in one way or another. Mr. Gianforte will be in one of two places next fall when the course would normally be offered. We aren’t sure if he will be taking his seat in Congress or serving a maximum six month jail sentence for misdemeanor assault.’
Gianforte savagely attacked a journalist after being asked a routine question about the CBO’s report on the Trump health care plan. To no one’s surprise Gianforte was elected as Montana’s lone Congressman the next day. Jail time is unlikely given his relationship to the Gallatin County Attorney, local Sheriff and the fact that he donated $500,000 to Gallatin County for a new detention facility, ironically named ‘The Greg And Susan Gianforte Center for Redemption and Rehabilitation.’
According to the statement ‘He just had a way of teaching that really showed our students how to best use his techniques of picking out the smallest and most meek individual and then going from a dull blank stare to explosive rage without legitimate provocation. Our larger and less social students, particularly our more angry boys, gravitated to his course and excelled with practice. While we did experience a number of injuries, we believe that was minor compared to the success of our students.’
Petra, on Gianforte’s recommendation, will be adding a new course that will deviate from the physical education program. ‘Satanic Rituals in the Practice of Montana Law and Campaign Practices’ will be taught by the disgraced former Montana legislator and Gianforte attorney Art Wittich. ‘Art is incredibly adept at twisting the law and anyone’s words to his own advantage and defense. Our students have a lot to learn from him and our greatest hope is that Mr. Gianforte’s most loyal students will learn as much in this course and go on to practice law or better yet combine both teachings to become narcissistic political figures as well.’ said the spokesperson.
‘Maybe all men got one big soul ever’body’s a part of.’